First write in group (after meditation):

Sadness and yearning are okay
We are not unlike others
Quiet wonder: seamlessness of skin envelope
That allows muscle and bone
To glide and stride, together
Held inside a skin packet
Heart-animated
Beat-pulsated
Energy fields afloat
Buoyant in earth-heat
Connected to one another
All are included
Part of it all
Held within universe
Dreaming itself into being

Memory Two-i hope it wasn't too presumptious of me.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Memory Two-i hope it wasn't too presumptious of me.

what would happen if i put myself in
jennifer's memory of her aunt and
uncle's dishes.

really

i'm not there.

but if i think about it - i can put myself there.

i am an invited guest at the dinner table.

jennifer has invited me as a friend to dinner.

her aunt brings out the dishes

and I watch her place them with attentive care
on the white tablecloth dining room table.

she loves these dishes

and is proud to show them off.

 jennifer smiles at her aunt
she feels so loved and comforted here.

she always has a good time.
and the food is great.
it looks so inviting on her aunt's dishes.

jennifer's aunt is so proud of jennifer
that's why she brings out these dishes
when Jen comes over.

it's almost as if the dishes communicate
her feelings of warmth and attention.

jennifer knows this
in her heart she knows her aunt loves her.
she smiles
doris smiles.
she likes it here too.
she's glad she came and jennifer invited her into
her memory.

now -it's doris' memory also.
thank you, jennifer.

memory

i;m doing a thing on memory.

somehow my memory got jogged
because of the last call.

today i did c.p. and before i got
settled in - my mind wandered to
memory.

can i use someone else's memories.
can i put myself in someone's memories.

can i make up memories.

can i fix memories
 - or change them.

i tentatively think i can do all these things.

but in reality what does that mean?

Posted by doris at 1:50 PM No comments:

i wish u guys would publish more
stuff on the blog.  no pressure here.
i enjoy rereading everything.

it sinks in the second time around.

dorissss

Illumination

Eternal

She is a guide of the highest vibrational energy. A nightingale perched in her palm, she whispers:

I have always been and will always be, just as you have. 

I am always with you. I surround you at all times. I am pure source energy and love. 

I am within you, that light, that power. There is no separation between us, no space between; just as there is no space between heaven and earth. There is no beginning or end.We are the same, we are one.

I will guide you through your darkest hours and most brilliant moments. And I will welcome you when it is time to come home and rest.

I am the chord that connects you to the core of the earth and I am the golden thread that spins eternally into the universe. There is only knowing, there is only truth. 

I am the illuminated path, reminding you that it is always lit, even in the darkest hour.  See it glowing beyond the fog of illusions.

I guide you to your purpose, and remind you of your divinity. I am the healer of the wound of forgetting.

I am Lamaria.

today was a great day.

seeee ya
dorisss

love it
love it
love it


dorissssss

the shortest path

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

the shortest path

sometimes the shortest path
is the longest journey.
           by doris

Nothing

Nothing

It is better to intuit nothing
than to know everything
           by doris

Guide posts

Here are two fellows that were given to me by a shopkeeper in Maine. I don't know their names, but they sit on my coffee table and gaze knowingly as a constant reminder of their presence. In fact, in this room there are many guides and representations of helpful spirits. In the busy buzz of life, it is nice to have a quiet space to sit with your guides and have a conversation. I am remembering to do so more and more. And, as I sit here in my in a distant room in sunny Florida, I feel connected to them, patiently waiting in my room of statues back at home.

Remembering to remember:

Relish the chaos, within and without
Cherish the uncertainty (it means I'm alive and aware)
Treasure the moment
Rejoice in knowing
True Self is here
With love

IF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS AN IMAGE WHAT WHAT WOULD IT BE

1.  St. Francis of Assissi
2. a baby
3. my dog
4. Jesus

#3 What might healing the wound of forgetting change in my life, outer and inner world?

Those sore place, those catches, the things that hurt inside of me, may lose some of the power to stop me in my tracks or even force me backwards. I may be able to move forward without so much fear of having those buttons pushed when I least expect them. More importantly, those buttons may not get pushed when I MOST expect them. In the inner world, I believe I’ll be able to open up more in my fiction to emotional things that still frighten me.

Kari

PS: I was reading these to my husband Jason, and he said fiction is a button pushing simulation, a safe way to have those buttons pushed and maybe find a different way to react. Wow, do I love that! I think I've been doing that for years unconsciously. What might happen if I do that consciously from time to time???

Ordinary

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Ordinary

All right, so today is Sunday
around 9:30 I did my cp
which was of course bombarded
with thoughts - i'm so tired of thoughts
that I don't even want to think of them.

that makes a lot of sense, right?

well, i finished the c.p. and i was going
to go to the 11 o'clock mass and I wanted
to take a shower - well, the shower was
occupied - so I didn't get to take a shower.

waiting for the shower I laid on the bed
and I thought to myself --- I'm so ordinary
that it is pathetic.  i'll never be anything but
ordinary.   even my love for god is ordinary.
no fireworks in that department.

so, i said, well, i'm going to go to mass shower or no
shower.  so, I changed my clothes, got dressed and
off john and i went.

we made church just as theyare singing the opening hymn.

love this church.  love looking at the people.
anyway the priest was funny.  had a few funny jokes,
really, he did.

then he started talking about the gospel.

guess what it was about - ordinary -
being ordinary -
well, my ears picked up.

when christ started preaching his message,
people listenend and were interested in what
he had to say - until they realized who he was.

Isn't this Jesus?
Isn't he the son of the carpenter Joseph?

for 30 years he lived in their midst
an ordinary life, nothing out of the ordinary about him

helped his father
helped his mother
went to synagogue

but now
he was so ordinary that now the pharisees
sought to take his life.

it is kind of hard to believe that someone
so ordinary could have such a message.

so now ordinary doesn't sound so bad.
maybe there is something to it after all.
and ordinary aint so bad.

I just wish it had a little more pazzaz.

seeeee ya



i just wish it had a little pazzaz.

A List

The Hermitage

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A List

 1)   to not always speak
 2)   to not always be right.
 3)   to seek only God
 4)   to go away to a hidden place
 5)   to see the beauty in others
 6)   to see that God is not separate from me.
 7)   to know that when I pray - I am more or less
  praying to myself.
 8)   when we die, we judge ourselves.
 9)   to not be a harsh judge.
10)  to see Christ in creation.
11)  The Father, the Creator, begot the Son who is all that the Father is
The Word, The Son,  The Love between the Father and the Son is the
Holy Spirit.   Like a waterwheel going round in a circle continuous
flowing one into the other never ending.

No one can go to the Father except through the Son.

To know that there are others out there who love God more than me -
and not to be jealous of them - but to be happy for God.

It is up to me to search for the truth
to know God in my own deepest being.

To contemplate
and in the silence to hear on a different level
the voice of God.

When I contemplate
I hear nothing.
Nada.
I don't hear God speaking to me.
I hear no voices.
Not even my own.

It is only in the fruits of the day
that I attach myself to the silence from within.

It is only in my thoughts and actions of the
day - that I sense the unfathomable -
have the hinting that there is something
lurking beyond my imagination -
something unimaginable.

Oh God,
Help me to see you when I have
no thought of your presence.

Oh God,
 Help me to hear you when your voice is quiet
 and my ear is pressed to the wind.

Oh God,
 In your kindness - look down upon me,
and see this puny human who dares to beseech
that you send her your thoughts.

Again -

 See me for what I am - mold me in thine image,
and  let me reflect back to you the heart that beats
in my chest, dare I say your heart beats within me,
having been made so by the divine spark and glanced
by a tender blow of  your unfathomable love.   

You have no choice
but to accept me

You have no choice
but to love me

It was your choice
 in the beginning
 God made man
  and God rested and saw what he had created was good.

SO YOU SEE GOD I AM IN A WIN WIN SITUATION.
LOVE YOU.

A M E N

With Each Passing Moment

With each passing moment,
a soul sets off to find itself.

~ Rumi

Nothing Is Wasted

Thought for the day!

 "When you're a writer or an artist, nothing is wasted. Even the most painful and difficult experience in life can be recycled into material for a project, and it's the artist's job to be awake, aware, and opportunistic. This attitude might sound a bit cold and calculating, but it's not. Quite the opposite. Art, when it comes from dark and difficult places, gives us a means to fully feel out most powerful human emotions and transform our suffering into something meaningful."

 Ruth Ozeki, from an article in Shambala Sun Magazine.

Healing the Wound of Forgetting

Forgetting in the moment to feel compassion
                                       to quell the anger
                                       to put aside the  frustration,
                                       the judgment and inferiority of
                                       another

                 but then to see people in community
smiling, laughing, clapping, praying, adoring,
communing with one another
                  with their eyes, voice and touch
                  and then
  to be one with them in the sharing of a meal
  - that's healing the wound of forgetting.

A thought on our guides

I've noticed for years that I get bunches of great input and chatter from my own universe when I'm on a long drive. That's one of the many reasons I love to drive so much! I always figured it was simply the solitude, the enforced mental downtime, with enough of my attention taken up by driving to allow my mind to wander.

One thing I've done for many years, at least since 1998 or so, is a protection ritual. When I'm on a long drive like that, I say/think/broadcast something like "I call in my guides, my guardians, my ancestors, anyone who is with me on this journey, to help me arrive safely at my destination," and I envision roses at every corner of my car. When I left for Florida, for the very first time I added "my characters" to that list. I had no idea why I did that.

After both of our calls and thinking a bit differently about my own guides, I'm feeling differently about why I get so much input on my trips. I quite clearly ask them for it, don't I???

Peace.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I don't want to describe the movie I was talking about last night in too much detail. A big part of the pleasure of it is the way the story reveals itself. I'll say it involves the option to have part of your memory erased and the consequences that could bring. What it brought to my mind last night was whether forgetting would be a wound or healing in that case. I have very strong feeling about that, and I'd love to hear what others think. The IMDB page is here, though you might want to wait until after you watch the movie if you plan to. Spoilers for certain! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/

The title comes from this passage by Alexander Pope:
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

Another story along that line is very much up my nerdy sci-fi alley. It was an episode of Star Trek: Voyager, by far my favorite incarnation in that universe. The computerized doctor had a very traumatic experience, and the humans decided to help him by erasing the memory. The memory kept surfacing no matter what they did. In the end, the humans sat with the doctor while he worked through the memory and dealt with the feelings that came from it. I last saw that episode about 15 years ago, and it has stayed with me very clearly ever since. I do love the way good sci-fi and fantasy use such incredible settings and characters to explore the most human of emotions.

Peace.

Last night I dreamed I was in Tibet!
I don't remember anything else. It was a lovely dream.

Barbara's Drawing: True Self Knows...

By Barbara Agalia

Healing the wound of forgetting…

I humbly admit I am not very experienced or very good at blogging, so hopefully this post will work! I'd love to see other writing as well.

Kari:

This feels to me like a wound we need, like the wound of severing the umbilical cord. We leave the fullness and the most safe and connected we will ever be in a physical body when that cord is severed. We do talk of people never cutting the cord for a reason. We must sever that tie, at least to some extent, before we can ever live a life of our own. I’ve seen that in my own family, my father’s mother seemed to want her sons tied to her in a very unhealthy way, and my mother-in-law used to as well. My mother’s father would have preferred we all live under his roof all of the time where he could keep an eye on us every single minute and we would never, ever get hurt. Thank the gods my mother rejected that world view! My father certainly was caught up in that suffocating cord for most of his life. I know one of the hardest things he ever had to go through was having her live with him during the last two years of his life, then having her die in his house. On the other hand, some of the conversations I had with him during that time made it so obvious that he was seeing her clearly for the first time in his life, and in many ways he was finally seeing himself as separate from her. I truly believe going through that difficult time with her, finally severing that cord that she never wanted him to cut, was the wound that let him truly be his own man for the last year of his life. I also believe that growing like that allowed him to have the will and ability to choose the time of his own death in the beautiful and graceful way he did. He not only was his own person after going through that terrible wound, but I believe a part of him knew my brother and I were our own people enough to survive losing him. He was right. It was still one of the hardest wounds in my life, AND despite what their own parents tried to do, he and my mother raised us to be our own individual selves and to survive that wound and the many others that come throughout our lives. So if forgetting is that wound, I can see that only through that wound are we able to truly live our lives and learn and grow and know what it is to be human. Living our lives, finding out who we are and who we were meant to be, is the process of healing that wound. We must first suffer the wound to ever have the chance to take that journey.

Question:

Question:

Now I am wondering if the
thought in God's mind is
actually the I that always
was.

I Am

Saturday, January 26, 2013

I Am

Now - Yesterday as a matter of fact 
I had an aha moment.

I existed before time.

How, I don't know.

I always thought I was born in time.
but
I, Doris, was born in time.

Before being born -
I always knew I was a thought in God's mind

As Doris I realize -
The I always was.

I am not my thoughts.
I am not my feelings.
I am not my emotions.

I look out of these eyes and I see.
I am the silent I within.
I am the see-er.
I am the witness.

When I go into the quiet
I look out of this face.

Now -
When I go into the quiet
I can become the sky.

When I go into the quiet
I am the stars.

When I go into the quiet
I am the I am.

Now -
I can do this in spurts
I can do this in glimpses.
I can do this in breaths.

It sort of stuns me.
That it actually happens
 and Now it creates a lot more questions in my life.

Anyway I am sharing my aha moment.

seeeeee ya
dorisssss

Freedom in my Writing

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Freedom in my Writing

Thomas Keating says,

Contemplative prayer gives us the
grace to be detached in our desires.
That means that our desires must be
freed from the motivation of the
false self.
Then we can lead the
spiritual life in any state of life as
normal human beings.

Doris says,

Detached in our desires - hmm
Detached in my writing - double hmmm

Then we can lead the spiritual life
in any state of life (life of a writer) as
normal human beings.

That's a great objective.

-----------------------------------
Before I read what Father Keating
said I was trying to figure out how to be
detached in our desires (mine) -  well, then u
might as well desire nothing is what I
thought - well, then that was not so
inviting - how do u figure this - do I
give up writing and just pursue being -
well, that makes no sense for me either.

But to be detached in my desire to be a
writer - that's worth pondering.
or -
to be detached from what I write that
is also an invitation for me to absorb.

Doris asks:  If u are doing something
can u be detached from it?

And further - if u are writing something
can u be freed from the motivation of
the false self?
 
Opps, Father Keating says Contemplative
prayer gives us the grace to be detached
in our desires.  - That means that our desires
must be freed from the motivation of the
false self

The Inner Observer

The bridge between
the stream of consciousness
(the river)
and the
boats that go floating by on the river.
(thoughts.)
Not there to judge, or to fix things,
just there to observe.

Cynthia Bourgeault:  Even more
strongly, its purpose is to bring u
into a state of unconditional presence,
so that u not only believe but know
that no physical or emotional state
has the power to knock you out of
presence.
,

A God of Hurt

Friday, January 4, 2013

A God of Hurt

It was a little girl's cry,
spoken in a little girl's voice,
"Don't Hurt Me."

I had been doing my c.p.
(centering prayer)
when I realized there was
as Father Keating would
say an Unloading of the Unconscious.


My thoughts had wandered off to
why can't I easily offer myself and
my actions to doing God's will in
my daily life.

the reply -

Well, because God is a God of Hurt,
and left to His devices he would certainly
send me trials of hurt - trials that I couldn't handle.

I heard a little girl's voice cry out,
my little girl voice cry out,
"Don't Hurt Me."

Well, there it was
the God of Hurt.
He was out to get me.
He was out to hurt me.
 It was inevitable.

If I did God's will -
Sure, he might send me good things but -
well, he  might send me an incurable disease like cancer;
or he might cause me financial ruin, like make me broke,
or he might make me unhappy in love,
he could even hurt those close to me,
and send me some other horrible calamity -


and then I'd have to rise to the situation and become a better person -
well, no, I don't think so.  I'm not up to that.

I think I'd rather do my own will
and take a chance of being happy my way

because certainly I'm not going to wish a catastrophe on me, right?
Wrong.

A God of Hurt
Wow
With all my other definitions of God,
God of Mercy
God of Love
God of Compassion
along
with all these God's
there is my God
my little girl God
A God of Hurt.

Something to think about Doris.

O My Soul

The Hermitage

Thursday, January 3, 2013

O My Soul

O My Soul

Every day a delight
I can't wait to wake in
the morning
to be with u

I look forward to our communion
I seek u out in the hiddenness of my being

I know ur there.
Like a playful friend u elude me
But I like a true warrior - play the game

U hide.
I seek.

I find u
U laugh.

I laugh with u.
Knowing that the pursuit is the dance

Then we sit
The two of us in silence
Knowing that our pinkies touch -
in childish endeavor

To weave a memory
of the unknowable, unthinkable, unseeable

O My Soul
bring me to the depths of ur being so that I may catch
a glimpse of thine memory

A M E N

o my soul

Posted by Doris

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

o my soul
i need to start writing again,
but i don't know what to
write.

sacred sounds surround me
wistful looks pursue me

o' my soul rest a moment
for the journey begins

at times tiring
but
o' my soul
what an adventure
pure delight
each morning brings
a newness, a beginning
that only u can greet

each day is its own
no one else's

no one can share the climb

no one can breathe ur air
it is for u alone to traverse

but a quick furtive look
reveals -
wait -
there is a companion
hidden and silent within

the recesses of ur heart.


waiting
waiting
ever hesitiating
for ur breath
your soul invite

A M E N